Webster’s Dictionary describes Love as:

1.   “A feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.”

2. “An attraction that includes sexual desire; the strong affection felt by people in a romantic relationship.”

3. “A person you love in a romantic way.”

Collins Dictionary defines relationships as:

1.   “The way in which two people or groups feel and behave towards each other.”

2. “A close connection between two people, especially one involving romantic or sexual feelings.”

3. “The way in which two things are connected.”

At a glance, these definitions capture the basic understanding of love and relationships: they are feelings of affection, attraction, and connection. Yet, there’s a deeper layer to love that many of us long for—a love that heals, transforms, and awakens us to our divine essence.

In my journey studying A Course in Miracles, I’ve come to understand that there are two types of love: special love and holy love.

In our relationships, we seem to experience mostly special Love, but as it may sound fantastic to hear the word “special’ in the same sentence as Love and relationship, it is not what you think.

What is a “Special” Relationship?

Special relationships are driven by the ego. The ego seeks control, power, and validation, and in the context of a relationship, it expects sacrifice from both sides. It’s a love that is conditional—rooted in expectations of how the other person should behave to fulfill our desires and needs.

Here’s how special love shows up in our relationships:

• Conditional love: You may find yourself depending on the other person to make you happy, placing the burden of your happiness on them.
  
  
• Control and manipulation: The ego uses tactics such as guilt, anger, and shame to control the relationship, expecting the other person to meet your expectations or suffer the consequences.
  
  
• Separation and conflict: Special relationships often lead to feelings of conflict, division, and isolation. The ego thrives on these, as it loves to perpetuate the idea of separation.

While it may sound flattering to hear the word “special” attached to love, special relationships are not the pure, unconditional love we yearn for. The ego sees others as tools to meet its needs, but it cannot offer true love. The ego’s love is fleeting, temporary, and often self-serving.

What is a “Holy” Relationship?

A holy relationship, as defined by A Course in Miracles, is not about religion or ritual. It’s a love that comes from a place of wholeness and grace. In a holy relationship, there is no expectation or demand from the other person. There is no jealousy, resentment, or need for control. Instead, the relationship is a reflection of unconditional love and mutual respect.

• Unconditional love: Both individuals in the relationship are whole and complete. There is no need for one person to “fill a void” in the other. Each person brings their own completeness to the relationship.
  
  
• Grace and ease: Holy relationships are effortless. Love flows naturally, and support comes without strings attached. There is no bargaining, no manipulative tactics, just mutual understanding and compassion.
  
  
• Healing and forgiveness: A holy relationship is rooted in forgiveness. It acknowledges that both individuals are doing the best they can and releases judgment and blame. It recognizes that we are all part of the same divine source and seeks to build bridges, not walls.

Which Love Are You Choosing?

We are all capable of experiencing both special and holy relationships. Yet, the choice between them is one we make every day. Do we allow the ego to drive our connections, or do we choose love from a higher, divine place?

The true essence of love is forgiveness, and the practice of A Course in Miracles teaches us that love is not something we find in others, but something we recognize within ourselves. As we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, we naturally extend that love to others.

Ask yourself: Are you seeking a love that is conditional, rooted in expectations and control? Or are you ready to embrace a love that is pure, healing, and free from fear?

The love we give and receive in this life is a reflection of the love we choose to cultivate within ourselves. It is our birthright to experience love in its highest form. Let us choose wisely, for the love we choose will shape our relationships and our lives.

Love and Blessings,

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